Yesterday was the five year anniversary of my brothers passing and I was nervous about what the day would bring. I had to drive down to Virginia Beach for my training session that also included the ever fretted sanskrit test. I was nervous that I would crumble into a puddle of tears and not be able to function, let alone pass an intense test. I lifted my mood by creating a wonderful bowl of oats to fuel me up for what I anticipated would be a really long day. I decided to go with the thanksgiving theme and just be thankful for the years that I had with my brother and for the sanctuary of my yoga practice. I made the (gluten free) oats with pumpkin, almond milk, cake spice and almond butter and topped it off with a huge glob of cranberry sauce. It was mighty filling and I intentionally overate a bit. I knew I wouldn’t be eating again for about six hours and needed extra staying power.
A couple hours later, I arrived at Oceanfront Yoga and felt ready to face whatever might be ahead. We started with a raja yoga practice that lasted about 90 minutes, it was hard to say the least. I had my first attempt at working towards Eka Pada Koundinyasana II (i.e. the hardest arm balance ever), needless to say, I could barely even get my knee under my shoulder, let alone lift my whole body up into the full expression of the pose. Despite not being able to do all of the asana in the class, I was proud for working on such challenging poses and felt ready to face the rest of the training which focused on backbends.
I was afraid that my heart would feel closed and that I wouldn’t be able to open up but the most beautiful thing happened. I accomplished every pose we worked on and even made my way into the full expression of camel. My heart never felt as open as it did in those moments overlooking the ocean. And then, came the moment I was most dreading besides the test.
The teacher asked “Can you do urdhva dhanurasana?”
I quietly answered that I could with blocks at the wall and we proceeded to break the pose down moment by moment. Little did I know, my practice was about to change and my heart would feel an openness that I never thought possible. Connie, the teacher, told me to spread my arms wider and to push onto the crown of my head. I pushed and I went completely up into wheel as if I had been practicing it for months. I let a “whoa” out and every one turned to look at me.
Connie said “You weren’t expecting that, were you”.
I tucked my chin and slowly came down and said that I wasn’t expecting that at all. We launched into a conversation about modifications and that there really are no hard an fast rules. For me, my arms are a little wider out whereas last week, it was with blocks at the wall.
Then she said what I was hoping she would say. “Ok, Christie, do it again”.
And I did.
Minutes later, I was taking my sanskrit test and I whizzed through it as if I had been speaking it forever. I even knew names of poses that we hadn’t broken down or even mentioned. I was on cloud nine. I left the studio and headed over to Peace, Love and Balance, a yoga shop within a few miles of the studio, because I was in desparate need of a new yoga mat. And, an amazing thing happened besides ordering the most awesome yoga mat and knee pad, four new people walked into my circle some of which would seem unlikely. My heart was open and I felt joyful about my new found friends.
By the time I left Virginia Beach, the sun was starting to set and I was ready to go home. On the way home, I cried. I wept for my brother but my tears were clean and pure. The anger was gone and I felt at peace.
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written by Erica Rivera. The book tells the gripping story of her battle with anorexia and though we don’t share the same disorder, I could relate to so many of her struggles. Erica is a courageous and compelling author for sharing the guts of her journey and I am honored to have her write a guest post here. Erica, thank you for sharing a part of your story here, from one recovering yogini to another, Namaste.
concoctions but hey, what can I say. They are quick, easy and tasty! Last night, the dear husband and I had to run some errands after work and I had a number of things to do once home so quick and easy was just what we needed. I made a quick sauce with marinara and browned grass fed ground beef. Mix it all together and you have Chef Boy R’ Annie. 
Certainly not the most dignified meal but it sure was delicious.
