I haven’t done very much reflecting on my own personal journey with intuitive eating and wellness lately. I guess, now that I am health coaching, I’ve stopped thinking of my blog as a personal space and more of as a space for educating but over the past few days, I’ve had some light bulb moments. I do want my blog to be a space that teaches people how to be well in all senses of the word – mind, body and spirit but I also want it to be a place that I still feel comfortable reflecting on myself. The poll I did on Friday helped me see that you guys appreciate my personal reflections as much as I need them. And one of the main things I’ve learned in school is that in order to be a healer, I have to keep healing myself.
So, with that in mind, I’d like to write today about something I’ve never written about before. I’ve feared writing about it because I don’t want to lose my readers. A very wise friend told me that anyone who would stop reading because of this aren’t the kind of readers I want anyway. And, I’m pretty sure she is right. This is my truth and in order for me to live my most authentic life and be able to fully educate those that want to heal their relationships with food, I have to talk about all aspects of it. Even the ones others may disagree with.
Without further ado, lets talk about spirituality.
Nope, not religion, heaven, hell, Jesus, Buddha, bibles or churches.
Spirituality.
I’ve been on a major emotional roller coaster for the last three years of my life. And, though I’ve worked hard and solved so many of my problems with food and my body, something was always missing. Over the last few months, I’ve really been honing in on it and while I don’t claim to have the answers, I do think I have found my missing piece.
The answer to my prayers, if you will.
I was raised in a very religious home and for a long time, I thought that religion and being spiritual were the same thing. And honestly, I never really “got it”. I never really bought into all of the things I was taught from a very early age. I was always confused by the church on Sunday morning and then beat your children to the tune of a case of beer at night. It never clicked and it led me down a path of really questioning religion.
I tried for years and years to figure out what I believed and what religion I was. Was I a Christian? A Buddhist? An Atheist or Agnostic? What was it that I needed to buy into in order to have that piece (or peace)?
It never dawned on me that spiritually wasn’t really about any of that.
The past few months of my life have felt in turmoil. I’ve been sabotaging myself with food, exercise, my work habits, everything. My soul has been crying out from emptiness. How in the world was I going to help people feeling like my own soul was in shambles. I was a fraud. I kept thinking of the movie “The Wedding Planner” when Jennifer Lopez says “those who can’t do, teach” and as silly as it sounds, it weighed down my heart. Because the thing is, no matter where my career as a holistic health coach takes me, I want to be able to do. And finally, I feel like I know what it is that I have been looking for. I needed to find my missing piece and through lots of reflecting, meditating, crying, wondering, I found it and it was accepting that for me, being spiritual and being religious are not the same thing.
To me, spirituality is about a connection to something greater than those tapes that we play in our heads. It isn’t about buying into anything or even believing anything, necessarily. It is about tapping into my heart and knowing that I am good and that I have the power of forgiveness inside of myself. It is that spine tingling chill that shoots through my body and I just know, that I am part of something greater. It is about spending time in thanksgiving and honest reflection. It is about being humble and admitting my faults. It is about sharing my gifts with the world, no matter how small they sometimes feel. It is about love, for myself and others.
But mostly, it is about faith.
Faith in what?
Eh, I can’t give you the answer to that.
It’s something you have to find within yourself.
Thanks for sharing this. I really am not religious at all but feel that I am a spiritual individual and this post really was a great way of showing that to you it is having faith in yourself. I struggle with this everyday. I definitely enjoy your personal posts and never fear you will lose readers because you are telling your personal journey…I am sure it is quite the opposite!
Yes. To all of this. I was raised in a fundamentalist church by a mom who wasn’t hardcore fundie, but was too terrified of her own mother to walk away, and a Catholic father who tried his best to even it all out for me. Still? So confusing. I am a questioning person by nature, and in my church questioning was unacceptable.
Top it all off with the fact that I’m adopted, and technically Jewish (born to a Jewish mother) and there you have the religious quagmire I was stuck in for a long time, and still struggle with a bit. When it comes to God, who the hell am I? I’m slowly figuring that out.
For me religion is a farce. It’s a man-made thing that really has nothing to do with God. God is inside of me, and no amount of forced Bible reading and memorization and on my knees repenting is going to help me find him/her/whoever.
i’m so glad you put this out there for us :) you are a beautiful person in all respects!
for me, spirituality is believing in God, not in the Bible-Belt-cram-it-down-your-throat kind of way, but I believe in God as the savior for my sins, and totally acknowledge that I am unworthy of forgiveness, but through his love am able to love, forgive, and have grace and mercy the way that he’s had on me. i grew up knowing God, but it wasn’t until i actually went through a crap-storm of stuff that i truly BELIEVED.
i agree with Beth though, religion is a man-made thing, a way to put moral rules out there to follow as a standard, but the thing is it’s turned into something whereby others can compare themselves and see if anyone is messing up and then call them out. it is not of God at all!
this is an amazing post :)
I just got chills reading the last paragraph of this post. No joke.
I have tried to emphasize on my blog that I believe spirituality – as separate from religion – has a place in everyone’s lives. Even though I personally identify as a Christian, I do not want my posts on spirituality to isolate anyone who subscribes to a different religion or no religion at all.
I love your emphasis on the notion that spirituality originates from inside the self. So many of our struggles come from our attachment to and obsession with the external world, and yet peace can come from turning inward and exploring and accepting what we find there.
Are you ready for a novel of a comment? K, great :) And let me preface this by saying that I’m in no way pushing my beliefs on you or anyone else. However, my faith is literally *thee* main component of my life, so it’s difficult to not be 100% honest about it.
I am a Christian. I believe in God, Jesus, Satan, sin, Heaven, and Hell. That’s religion, right? Well, to me, not so much.
I belong to a non-denominational church. While I don’t think that all denominations are “bad,” I do think that that is where “religion” lies (rules, regulations, etc.). I feel as though denominations often skew what the Bible says and uses it to defend what they think is “right.” Let me repeat that not ALL denominations are like this. But in general, I see them causing more division to the Christian faith than unity.
While I would say I lean more towards the concept of spirituality rather than religion, I think that FAITH better describes my belief…my Christianity. My pastor often says (and this pretty much sums up what I’m trying to say) “it’s not religion. It’s a relationship.” I have a personal relationship with God…with Jesus Christ. I know that that sounds like a bunch of mystical, irrational mumbo jumbo, but I know it’s real. I have that faith – believing without seeing – and it’s stronger than anything else I’ve ever “known” in life.
I believe the words of the Bible. I don’t twist it to say what I want it to say, but I truly believe that it is the word of God. Yes, I grew up in a Christian home, but I also (thankfully) had my own time of “soul searching.” After finding that I believe and have faith in God *for myself* and not for my parents or for my church….well, it changed my life. My spiritual relationship with God trumps any “religion” that I follow by 110%…
If I could sum it up in a few words, it would be this: I love God, and I love others.
Great post, by the way :) Very thought provoking. I think that when it comes down to it, faith/spirituality is the most important aspect of a healthy lifestyle. To me, everything in life stems from that core stance in our lives. I wish more blogs would discuss this! Once again, you’re ahead of the game :)
Gracie´s last blog ..10 Ways: be productive.
Very thought provoking post. I was raised in a very strict born-again Christian household and I found the hypocrisy mind-boggling as a child – the whole ‘go to church or I’ll smack you thing’. I naturally ran from all religion as an adult and used to toy with ‘spirituality’ but it meant nothing, it was a term thrown around and little more.
Now, the more I get in tune with my mind and body, the more I think that is it. That spirituality is the peaceful state of being; being in our bodies, being in our minds, being in this world. The connectedness to life and other living beings that we find within ourselves. I do not believe it is anything external.
Christine @ Grub, Sweat and Cheers´s last blog ..Run fit girl, run…
Amazing post. I also grew up in a strict religious household and struggled for a long time to find “spirituality”. I also believe it comes from within. I also think faith is an important part of making oneself whole. Thank you for sharing.
I am SO glad you wrote this post…it’s funny because the subject of religion/spirituality/God has been coming up a lot in my life lately. It has taken me 40+ years to figure out what I believe. I spent many years being atheist/agnostic while also being disdainful of “religious” people. It didn’t feel “right” and I wanted to believe something! But even the word “God” is loaded for me because I want to believe in God but not attached to religion. When I think of the big wide universe, with its trillions of galaxies and trillions x trillions possibilities for other life, I just can’t imagine that God is all that concerned with who’s sleeping with who here on this tiny pin prick called Earth. I can’t imagine that God thinks one country is better than another…or that these people are better than those. That’s about people trying to control people. Morality and law and what’s appropriate are our own constructs and they serve us well, most of the time.
I can’t relate to the idea of God as anything more than energy…a self-caused energy that we can’t yet explain in terms of how it got here. So there is no label for me. And when I read “Eat Pray Love,” I finally found a way to explain God that feels right to me:
“God dwells within you as you *yourself*, exactly the way you are. God isn’t interested in watching you enact some performance of personality in order to comply with some notion you have about how a spiritual person looks or behaves. We all seem to get this idea that, in order to be sacred, we have to make some massive, dramatic change of character, that we have to renounce our individuality. Every day renunciants find something new to renounce, but it is usually depression, not peace, that they attain. To know God, you need only to renounce one thing – your sense of division from God. Otherwise, just stay as you were made.”
KCLAnderson (Karen)´s last blog ..Quotes That Speak To Me (and an award!)
hey girl – i’m proud of you for posting this!
like i said at lunch the other day, i felt empty when i tried to be “religious,” but whole again when i realized it’s ok if i’m a mess. when i realized it wasn’t about jumping through spiritual hoops, i could relax. it was just me and god. he had my back, and i could trust him. that’s when my life came alive.
i wish this peace for you. it’s one of those things you have to crave for yourself. if you ever need an ear, please don’t hesistate to shoot me an email. i know all about being confused :)
-rebekah
rebekah (clarity in creation.)´s last blog ..don’t you bake in your running shorts?
Wow, thanks so much for sharing Christie. I can say that in all honesty, I agree with you 100%. I wasn’t raised in a religious home, but I always felt the need to search for something greater. After years of searching (and “trying on” various religions), I eventually had to come to a place in my mind and heart where I felt comfortable to just “be”. In my view, religion is a great avenue to channel our spiritual inclinations. Some people do better with them, some do better without them. The beauty of it is that most of us have the ability to choose.
I’m sure you have read some stuff on it, but I think you would really, really like the spiritual aspect of yoga. There is a book I read while in my YTTC that really *really* made things click for me – it’s called The Heart of Yoga: http://www.amazon.com/Heart-Yoga-Developing-Personal-Practice/dp/089281764X
Much love.
xox
The spiritual aspect of yoga is why I practice :D It has never been about the “exercise” of it for me.
I have just discovered your blog and absolutely LOVE it. I have only read a few posts. There is so much GREAT STUFF on here! I can’t wait to get home tonight, curl up, and dive in!
I am in VA too : )
Jessica´s last blog ..{here is to me being me…and being okay with it}
Fantastic post – I have been traveling along a similar path. I think getting more in touch with yourself and honoring your needs puts you in a place where you can become more trusting of your body and yourself and later more trusting that things in life happen as they should.
Just like me finding and being so inspired by your blog after being eased into the idea of intuitive eating after reading lots of other sort-of IE blogs :)
I would not say I’m religious at all – but like you, I would say I’ve had sort of a spiritual awakening.
I want thank and commend you for being honest and brave enough to talk about this. It’s something that I think is ignored far too often in discussions about wellness.
Hil´s last blog ..Throwing Things Together
I think that religion sucks the spirituality of faith. I really enjoyed our g-chat convo about this and am glad that you’re sharing this with people. It’s the ultimate trust in yourself to let something else into the depths of your soul. A welcome mat at your heart, your inner being for not only yourself but for the spiritual force that guides you..to do just that..guide you.