Heather from Then Heather Said did two polls on twitter this morning that really got me thinking. The first poll was “What are you more confident about now than you were a year or so ago” My answer was “the ability to be my authentic self” and then her next question was about lack of confidence and I responded about my exercise habits. She then challenged us to fuse the two together and figure out how to apply poll one to poll two. So, how does my ability to remain authentic play into my lack of confidence in the exercise department lately?
Well, lets rewind to last week when we had an unexpected snow day. The dear husband and I decided to do a Leslie Sansone
My yoga mat lays in my yoga/guest room only to be graced by the paws of my cats. The dvd’s stay tucked away in the cabinet and I’m left with this feeling like I am just lost. Like I don’t know what to do or how to even get started anymore. The problem is that I am going through candida die off which causes a host of nasty symptoms including being exhausted. My food habits are better than they ever have been, I haven’t had a drop of sugar, including fruit, in a month and I feel like I am on my way to better health. I’m wondering if this is just something I have to deal with while I heal but I’m starting to feel very frustrated.
While I would love to start sweating again and moving and standing on my head, I don’t know if this is something I should even be bothered with. Will I eventually want to exercise again? Will I ever feel like rising at 5 am like I used to do everyday? Despite going to bed between 8 and 9 pm every night, I am struggling to get up by 6:15 or 6:30 just to make it to work on time. I guess my frustration is just rising to a point where I don’t even know what to do with it anymore. I’m working so hard to improve my health and it almost feels like it is back firing on me. I feel embarrassed that I can’t even make it through a dvd that I used to do almost 50lbs heavier.
So, am I being authentic or am I just making excuses? I’ve always thought that honoring my body was the most important thing but now I question what of this is in my mind and what of this is really my body. How do I stay authentic when I just don’t feel like myself?
Have you ever gone through health related issues that made you feel less than yourself? How did you overcome it?
As you know I have gone through and continue to go through may digestive issues. It is so hard sometimes to get through them without getting upset. But then I realize that in the grand scheme of things I am very lucky to only have to deal with what I have to deal with. There are so many worse things that could happen to me!
I bet you will get your mojo back soon!
You are so right. Things could be so much worse. Heck, for that matter, they have been!
I feel the SAME way!!! I cannot get my ass in gear yet 3.5 months ago I ran a half marathon. What happened? My yoga mat is currently propping up a table.
Lindsay (goodiesgalore)´s last blog ..What to do, what to do.
oh, my dear dear friend.
i have been having just about this same exact debate with myself lately. The days I dont want to work out for WHATEVER reason, or even days that I do go to the gym but do a lot less than what I had initially planned- are the reasons justified and TRUE, or am I just making excuses to be lazy/give in? Where is the line drawn and how am I able to read the lines in my life?
I am in the process of becoming UNSTUCK a lot lately.
Kelsey at KelseyToney talked about something similiar these last few weeks- she hasnt been able to run, and so for a while she turned off all exercise bc of it- but then she found ways to strengthen her study and practice of yoga and is feeding her body THAT way.
Caitlin at HTP recently talked about setting time periods, and I totally took that to heart when I decided to make a Plan 233. (you can see my blogs on this) Basically, the idea is that I can do ANYTHING for X amount of time, and then if i dont like it, i can STOP and never do it again. For example. I’ve never done pilates before, but I wanted to give it a good chance- so I started regularly attending the classes once/twice a week for several weeks knowing that when this semester of classes is over, I wouldnt ever have to do it again if i didnt want to. The same goes for my strength training challenges. sometimes it takes EVERYTHING in me to do squats twice a week. but I know that at the end of the month, if i dont ever want to do squats again, thats fine- i will just pick up something NEW to do. (it works on a smaller scale too…sometimes i find myself doing it for individual workouts – IE: i only have to do 30 minutes on the elliptical. then once its over, IT IS OVER. often reminding myself, “i can do ANYTHING for 30 minutes.” etc.)
Ive found that NEWNESS is really the changing point for me in getting unstuck. and it doesnt have to be something CRAZY new either. It can just be a new variation of something Im already doing.
Last night I went back to the gym for the first time in 6 days, the 3rd time in 14 days. Considering that I used to go to the gym 5-6 days a week, just a few weeks ago, I was feeling really “unlike myself” and a bit of guilt for not going. I was dreading going, because i hadnt gone in so long and was feeling REALLY lazy, but I knew that if i was going to be running races next month, that I HAD to go get some treadmill intervals in. So i went, telling myself that I would just do ONE podcast worth of intervals and then try and lift arms and see what happened.
When I planned my intervals, instead of doing STEADY times, which i usually do (ie: warm up at 4mph, run 6.6 mph, walk 4mph, run 6.6mph, walk 4 mph, etc.) I decided to try to REVAMP my intervals by planning a NEGETIVE SPLIT SEGMENT plan. I started out running slowly (5.5 MPH, and walking at 3.5 MPH) and then with each interval stepping it up a notch or two until I found myself adding EXTRA intervals at the end of my workout and running at 8 mph (my fastest running EVER timed) before cooling down.) and it was awesome.
Im now REALLY excited to go back to the gym and do MORE negetive split intervals- but I now RECOGNIZE that this NEWNESS will eventually WEAR OFF. Im not going to love doing negetive split intervals on the treadmil for the rest of the year- im going to get bored with it and need something NEW again. and instead of getting DISCOURAGED and dreading the gym or the path or the class and skipping work outs for a week because of it, Im just going to anticipate it and be prepared to try something NEW when the time comes.
Also- know that NOT all workouts are created equal. Your sadness over the DVD is understandable, but in honoring your health, body, mind, soul, and WELLNESS – know that you cant always JUMP RIGHT BACK IN and be 100% perfect all the time. Maybe its time for you to do something for 10 minutes each day- or even 5. Maybe its a walk. Maybe its two of your favorite yoga poses before bed. Maybe its push ups. Maybe its doing 10 crunches each night. But if you spend even 60 seconds exercising each day, you will at least put your mind to ease about not doing anything. (and im going to guess that eventually a day will come when you want to do MORE than 1 minute, as well)
oh my word. I just wrote an entire blog post worth of material in your comments section.
Hahahahaa, no worries on the long comment. That is one of the things I love about blogging, getting the conversation going and see what happens!
Now, I have thought about what you said, about just doing a little and you are probably right, I do probably need to try something new. I lost my yoga groove, which happens from time to time and so I thought the dvd’s would be it but maybe I need to just find a new activity all together like riding a bike or dancing. Something to get me excited again.
We BOTH can do it!
I can relate to this a lot. I think those of us who have been through EDs know better than anyone how powerful the mind-body connection really can be. Somedays I question whether I’m too tired to workout, or whether my bad mood and stress is causing me to “feel” tired. It’s a thin line at times.
However, from reading your string of thoughts in this post, I would say first you may be overanalyzing/overthinking things a bit. Sometimes when I make exercise “too big of a deal” it actually becomes a big deal. But when I let it just be “another 45 minutes of my day” it’s nothing.
Don’t know if this was relevant but I just thought I’d share :)
Jenny´s last blog ..Epic Post
No, it is relevant, for sure. That is what I am trying to work on, where is my head really at right now.
Hi Christie!
Gosh I know how you feel…for so many reasons.
About 4 years ago I injured my back. It was a degenerative injury in the sense that it would have happened at some point but it happened a lot earlier for some reason. I have a torn disc. Suddenly I couldn’t do anything. I felt like I was 60, could barely make the bed it hurt so bad to lean over. After months of no answer + excessive binge eating I was 30 pounds heavier and miserable. Well, I finally got treatment and was on my way to recovery. How long did it take to start exercising again and taking control of the eating? 2 years. I felt unmotivated, tired, alone and just sad. I didn’t know why.
Ultimately I think I had forgotten what made me feel good. I felt I HAD to exercise b/c I HAD to lose weight. When I removed the pressure again of being “someone healthy” I started to figure it out again. Very slowly. I discovered new products that I connected with (DVDs by Beachbody). Ultimately I changed my life forever but it has been almost 2 years now. Long journey that is still going! Now…I own my own fitness business as a result of discovering those DVDs!
My point…maybe this is a time where you will be able to rediscover what feels good to you! It may be different than it ever has been.
Second point…the new food choices you are making do greatly greatly affect your energy. I worked with children with celiac for 5 years. And adults. Often, without fulling recognizing their energy was diminished while working out or exercising. You may need to explore various ways to fuel your body if you truly feel fatigued during a workout. OR…it simply may be that you are at a place where what used to work or inspire you isn’t working anymore. :) I hope that helps a bit?
Jenn @ Livewellfit´s last blog ..On the Go!
Thanks, SO much!! I am working with a nutritionist about my diet which is greatly impacted by trying to get rid of candida in my digestive tract.
I think maybe trying something new is a really good idea and I have been thinking a ton about what I could do to mix things up. At one time, I was a runner and have thought of getting into running again but right now, with the die off, I am so tired, walking sounds challenging enough. I need to check out those dvd’s though. That sounds very interesting!
Wow, what a post! I have been in some pretty bad situations physically (I had a tumor removed from my abdominal muscle along with a huge section of the muscle) and for me, it was a mind over matter thing. I had to come to grips with the face that every little bit helps. Even if it is something as silly as doing squats while feeding the cats or doing knee lifts while unloading the dishwasher. It is not always about the hard core exertion as much as just continuing to do things. Working out is a habit, but it can be boring if you do the same thing over and over. I used to do yoga everyday, but now I am a little bored with it and have put it aside. I do a lot of interval stuff to change things up. I also force myself to get out of bed early to get it done. Otherwise, I just won’t do it! You have to proud of every accomplishment you make and just know that you are doing your best. Mentally and physically.
Sarena (The Non-Dairy Queen)´s last blog ..Not Boring…Take 2
I can completely relate and mine has nothing to do with overcoming an illness (unless lack of motivation is an illness) but I have to get it in gear!! I’m signed up to run a 10k with my 9 year old daughter April 24th and my first half marathon in October. My problem is that I have the winter blues. It happens every year, but in years past I worked at a health club and got the membership for free. This year I no longer do and can’t afford it so I’m forced to listen to Jillian Michaels (whom I love) tell me to “fight for it” when I don’t really feel like fighting anyone but her at 6:00 in the morning!! I know “this too shall pass” I just wish it would f-ing pass already!!!
Maria (realfitmama)´s last blog ..Oat-A-Licious
You know, I used to get the winter blues really bad, like knock down drag out bad and am now wondering if I may have a touch of it now. I hadn’t had any of the usual symptoms this year so I thought it was just a phase of the past couple of years but maybe now.
I can relate like many other bloggers and commentors about getting up and getting out there. I have had some injuries and life obstacles and it makes you want to do nothing. I wish I had the answer on how to get over it. At times I had made myself get up and exercise. Sometimes this works but oddly a lot of times I am mad at myself for not listening to what I really want. I think there are times in life we just need a break and that includes exercise. Exercising is a commitment. Sometimes that commitment gets to be too much and it is time to back off. I think that is totally ok. Perhaps instead of pushing yourself to put in a workout DVD you take a walk instead. There are exercises that I used to do that I just can’t muster up the energy to do. I’ve realized it is because I am bored with them or they are from another point in my life and I don’t want to do them anymore. Just because you liked something or did something at one point does not mean that you have to like it or do it later on.
I know how frustrating it can be when you used to do something with ease but now it is a challenge. That is ok. I think it may mean you are meant to do something else. Listen to yourself and I am sure you will soon realize what you need to do.
Thanks for commenting, Megan.
I think you are right. This seems to be a repeated comment of my readers today, maybe it is time to do something else.